I’m an Introvert, and I Like It That Way

As another semester comes to a close, I’ve spent a lot of time reflecting on how much I’ve changed in just four short months. Coming into this semester, I was determined to find my niche here at Baylor. That meant stepping out of my comfort zone and actually trying to meet people. Fortunately, I picked a really good place to start: First Baptist Church of Waco. Turns out, the college group at FBC is stocked with people who genuinely enjoy introducing themselves to others. All I had to do was show up and do what I do best: listen. 

The first couple months at my new church I made sure to put the effort in to go to every college group “party” (our idea of a party involves 2-stepping and Dr. Pepper) and social event. I liked hanging out with my new friends but found I enjoyed myself the most when I could step away from all the action and just have one-on-one conversations with my close friends. As the semester progressed, I found myself passing on certain events that I knew would draw in a lot of people and leaving others early from exhaustion or boredom. At many of these church parties, I found myself longing for a quiet room and a good book.

This really started to bother me. I didn’t understand why I didn’t like “having fun.” Excessive criticism of my boringness from my friends would result in bad moods and an even stronger desire to just be alone. I’ve always known I’m an introvert, so I decided to start researching introversion a bit to see why I am so quiet and why that’s such an issue with people. Susan Cain’s TED talk and book on this issue were particularly influential in helping me realize who I am and why. I want to share my findings because I think it will be beneficial to other introverts and it will help extraverts understand why I am the way I am. 

Studies disagree on the actual percentage of introverts, but the number seems to be around 25-33%. In America – often considered one of the most extroverted nations – it’s safe to say that number is definitely closer to one-fourth than one-third. However, if everyone I knew who classified themselves as introverts were actually introverts, that number would be much closer to 80%. Because of this, I want to tackle some misconceptions about introversion in an attempt to give it a more accurate definition.

1. Introversion is not the same as shyness. Shyness is a dislike of social interaction due to a fear of criticism. This is the old correlation-causation problem. Introversion does not cause shyness, though shy people are most likely introverted. 
2. We do not hate people. Well, at least not all people. Yes, loud people make me irritable. Rather, we prefer to have a few close friends that we connect with on a very deep level. Because of this, our close friendships are pretty much permanent. I’ve had the same best friend since I was six years old. She may live hundreds of miles away now, but we still talk multiple times a week. There’s no sign that’ll ever change. 
3. Introverts cannot just “fix themselves” to become more extraverted. Introversion is actually the result of a sensitivity to the neurotransmitter dopamine. If an introvert’s body produces too much dopamine, he feels over-stimulated. This is why you’ll rarely meet an introvert who’s an adrenaline junkie. Additionally, while the blood in an extravert’s brain flows to the areas involved in sensory processing, the blood in an introvert’s brain flows to the areas involved in planning and problem solving. So yes, there is a scientific reason why I hate large groups of people and loud settings. Who would’ve guessed?
4. A love of reading or critical thinking does not make you an introvert. Spending time alone once in a blue moon does not make you an introvert either. Not to sound like I’m kicking people out of some exclusive club, but I think it’s important to ensure people realize the difference. 

An introvert is essentially someone who thrives off of alone time. We don’t hate being around people all the time; we just need more time to ourselves to recharge. Unfortunately, a lot of people don’t understand this. I’ll never forget the hurtful text message I received after telling a much-too-hyper friend that I just wanted to read alone in my room for awhile. It’s not that we don’t like spending time with our friends. My ideal day would probably involve sitting in a large room with a few close friends, each of us reading quietly. I like their presence, but I don’t see the need for constant action and noise. 

There’s also this idea in America that introversion is a bad thing. Ironically enough, over 75% of gifted students are classified as introverts, but for some reason, American schools are now designed for extraverts. Instead of sitting in rows, we have to sit in groups and interact…even in math. Those of us who prefer to work independently see our participation grades drop because we didn’t consult with our group members enough. This may be a side note, but “consulting with group members” really just means one kid explains the material to or even does the work for everyone else. 

Additionally, employers now focus on a much more group-oriented approach to problem solving. While talking about ideas with others is beneficial sometimes, it’s not when it’s the only method of problem solving. The extraverts will dominate this kind of discussion and the introverts, who may have good ideas, will just sit back and listen because the last thing we want is to be in the spotlight. 

I have a secret: introversion is not a problem. There is nothing wrong with enjoying spending time in deep, contemplative thought. I don’t know how many times I’ve been asked, “Why don’t you just try to be more extraverted?” Parents are often given methods to make their children more outgoing and extraverted. We’re told that we’re much more likely to succeed if we’re extraverted. Our society wants to change introverts. That’s because they don’t realize the value of them.

That amazing Apple computer you’re possibly reading this on would not exist if it weren’t for an introvert – Steve Wozniak. He invented the first Hewlett-Packard computer while sitting alone at his desk. And our beloved Harry Potter series? Yeah, JK Rowling is an introvert – most writers are. Oh, and my personal favorite: Jesus. How many times do we read about Jesus going off alone to think? Yes, he addressed large crowds, but he had a close group of friends – 12, to be exact – and even found himself needing time away from them quite often. 

I’m certainly not saying there’s something wrong with being an extravert. My three best friends are extraverts because they were willing to take the first step and reach out to me. However, I do think we need to be much more accepting of the fact that introversion is not a bad thing. There is not a need to “fix” introverts. We have just as much to offer as an extravert, we’re just a lot quieter about it. Steve Wozniak needed the extraverted Steve Jobs to sell his product, but Steve Jobs also needed the introverted Steve Wozniak to have a product in the first place. 

Bottom line: This semester I’ve affirmed the fact that I am, indeed, an introvert. I’ve learned, though, that this is not a problem. I like my few close friendships. I also like my books and the cubicles in the quiet section of the library. And there’s nothing wrong with that. I may be an introvert, but I like it that way.